There are many aspects of our lives where we can stop, start, and so much more we should continue doing. We got to this point in our lives just fine, so we must be doing a lot right. Right?
However, what is a lot in life when there is a lot more to gain? Start, stop, & continue. I last talked about starting to connect with your thoughts, your day, and who you are; the good, the bad, and the ugly. We can’t get better or perform better until we understand why we make the choices we make, think the way we do, and find the perspective that we can always get better, in whatever area of life we are committed to accomplishing that change.
Change asks us to step outside of our comfort zone. That comfort zone usually ends up in the “continue” section of our lives but when we have to STOP or START doing something, it’s unnatural and therefore it’s a struggle, more often than not. The “struggle” does not get easier when we have a negative attitude towards“it”.
We always hear people say be positive; embrace the struggle, the suck, the hard days, and the failures because they are what will help you gain thick skin, discover yourself, and make life better for you down the line. You have to possess the mental strength, knowledge, and belief in yourself to do whatever it takes and jump the hurdles placed in your path.
To jump these hurdles the key is to believe and STOP allowing the fear of failure from holding us back from the goals we are capable of achieving. If you looked into in a crystal ball and saw if you put in x amount of work then you would pass the test, get the promotion, accomplish the degree, get called for the job interview, or finish the 50 mile race the fear of failure or feelings of stress would probably arise a lot less often. But my question is, would you have had the same motivation to ensure you accomplished your goals successfully?
Anxiety, fear, stress, fatigue, and uncertainty are all necessary components for success. But the way in which we channel this energy plays a big role in our ability to reach the results we are seeking. Fear is natural, necessary even, but it can be debilitating. The key is to STOP letting fear hold you back and START channeling it. Make fear your friend, let it be the voice in your head constantly urging you forward.
When you get down to it, it’s about putting that stressed out, fucked up, energy towards something good.
Before my 50 mile race, I was excited, but at times, nervous. When I would get nervous or have negative thoughts I would take a deep breathe, smile, say something positive about the race and all training that goes into it and then remind myself that I need all the energy I’ve got, so put that energy in your pocket and use it on race day (I literally grabbed it out of my pocket race day).
For my graduate thesis I asked the parents of elite youth winter athletes how they dealt with the emotions they experienced as their children flew down a mountain at 80 mph, did multiple flips plus twists, or experienced a win/loss and the following are ways in which they channeled their own fear or negativity towards something positive for themselves, their children, and the team.
Trusting the Process is Key
“I don’t think that that fear can dictate what our kids could or couldn’t do. I think, in the back of the head you always know that there’s that possibility [of injury] but you just hold on to the reality that you know they’ve trained hard, they know what they’re doing.”
“I have inordinate faith in my kids to know what they need. And I work really hard at not trying to direct their lives or tell them what to do.”
“Oh, my god! I mean, yeah, that always scared me to death. Always! But I reminded myself to trust in her to know, how far she could go.”
“When they’re young, you’re supposed to guide them, and you’re supposed to protect them and care for them and you’re supposed to make decisions for them as the best that you can until a certain age. And then you just have to help them make decisions the best that you can until a certain age and then, you have to trust that they can make those decisions for themselves.
Unconditional Love and Support is What Everyone Wants and Needs
“What I learned pretty early on and which I think was best for the kids is to be a stable presence, in good times, in bad times…I mean, what they need is some stability on the ski hill and always a friendly pat on the back or a hug regardless of what the results were and so I think that was certainly something that my wife and I you know, provided.”
"I didn’t want her to hurt anymore. And that was really hard. On top of having the shoulder surgery, and then putting her mouth back together, she had two knee surgeries too. I just really tried to be there. You know, we were gonna get through this and she was determined to. And so I had to be programmed. And yeah, “we’re gonna get you back a hundred percent on the snow and get you back with a dryland coach” and she was giving it a hundred percent and as a mom, I was gonna be there trying to give her a hundred percent “you know, I’m with you on this.”
Perspective: What GOOD Will Come from the Hard Days?
“I didn’t probably instill other than if you are going to start it, then you are going to finish it. In other words, if it is a year and you are not liking what is going on or something, you will finish what you are doing.”
“Don’t judge this moment you’re in.”
“Some days are like that and that’s the challenge of life. Whether you’re going to work or going to practice or whatever. Some days.. not every day is fun. And not every day is easy. But if you’re gonna be with the program those are days that you have to go.”
Support: Internalize the Negative Express the Positive
“I don’t always need to talk about my opinion when it’s negative, it doesn’t do me any good, it doesn’t do anybody else any good, so why am I doing it? Just because I got an opinion? You know what they say about opinions?”Zac: What’s that?“They’re like assholes! Everybody has one.”
“Find that line between encouragement and setting too high an expectation or providing too much pressure…I was very, very conscious of not wanting to push my kid or indeed the coaches.”
“I’m just there. I don’t say much, I give them a big hug and some people want to talk about it and some don’t, I am just a presence and there to give reasonable feedback. Certainly sometimes negative but for the most part I leave that up to the coaches.”
Choose Positive. Spread positive. Be positive. STOP letting the fear control you.
Whatever you are doing and going through you can handle. STOP fearing START connecting and remember to believe.
Cheers,
Zac
